Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
