I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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