yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize