butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
