Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
