I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we're making bets on your personal life
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
why is half of my head shaved?
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