you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize