Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
not ubering you a puppy
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
