She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She announced her abortion via fbk
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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