yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
