I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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