Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
What changed your mind?
Being sober
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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