You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
