Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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