Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
