I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize