big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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