Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
