i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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