i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
