would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
