I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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