I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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