Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
