i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
