what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
cat food counts as protein by the way
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
