Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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