"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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