i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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