if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
