I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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