i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
