You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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