On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
