Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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