i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
