I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
