By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
