At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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