it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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