I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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