I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
ok first of all what the fuck
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
