ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
