ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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