The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
