i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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