dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
