Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
