the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
