i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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