He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
