I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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