WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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