I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
