I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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