You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
