so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
