he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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