Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
