it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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