im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
