You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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