How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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