it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
