break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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