Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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