I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize