I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
