She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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