I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
