I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
