Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This is my gift to your gina
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
