Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
