Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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