I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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