we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
