She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just invented taco cereal.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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