I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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